Since tomorrow is the start of a new month, it’s time for a new word to embrace. As a recap here were the last three:
For April the word I want to embrace is….. Embrace!
Let’s be honest, March was a rough month for me. Physically, I met my running goal, but my energy has been drained constantly. Sleeping is getting hard and my low back pain isn’t going anywhere. Emotionally, I’ve basically been a wreck. Whether is seasonal affective disorder, PPD, pregnancy hormones, or just stress and anxiety, I don’t know, but this month seemed eternal and I am ready to put it behind me.
But I don’t want to rush through life, especially this period of just Riley and me that is closing ever so quickly. I’ve spent so much time lately thinking about running after pregnancy and my non-pregnant body, itching to get back to it and to just not being pregnant that I am afraid I’m missing out on some special moments. Pregnancy, for one. I loved it with Riley, but this time around I’m more impatient and I want to embrace it and love it like I did the first time around.
Despite the fact that it’s been over a year, I’m STILL trying to get used to being a stay-at-home mom. It’s not easy. It’s not hard in the way working is hard (especially being a working mom!), but it is its own type of hard. From being with your child 24/7 (wonderful but exhausting) to having no independent means of income to feeling pressure of having to do more in order to make yourself feel like an equal since you don’t “work”… I feel like I’ve been failing in so many regards and just assuming things will get better after baby #2 arrives.
And in ways it will. I mean, I will have two sweet baby loves! But I will also have considerable less sleep, more poopy diapers, more meltdowns (from the babies and myself), and thank the Lord, more coffee. But that time is not here yet.
I want to embrace this chapter of my life- or “season” as the cool kids are calling it now. I want to fully love and appreciate every moment with just Riley, every kiss she gives my belly and every silly or snuggly moment we have. I want to appreciate every pregnant run and every missed run because I was too tired or not feeling up to it.
I just want to embrace my current life and all the great things that God has blessed me with more.
Do you ever feel like you’re living for the future and not embracing the present? How would you/did you change?